Sometimes I find myself wanting to be by myself traveling the world and meeting new people and seeing extravagant places and be independently on my own. A few friends maybe, but no significant other. Just me and the world and no worries.
and then there are those times where I would kill to have someone I love to share the world with.
but then there’s those quick little moments where I wish I could go back in time to being a preteen girl whose only worry was Harry Styles.
Each day I feel differently about different things and I do things spontaneously. For example, today I was craving avocados so i went to the store, came home and made a recipe of guacamole. Or the other day when I decided I just needed to begin reading all the novels on the time’s best novels list.
so i did. and i read the great gatsby in one single day. and then i read another, and although it wasn’t on the best sellers list, i still found myself crying my eyes out at the perfect words stitched together and i underlined all my favorite words and now i hold it close to my heart.
extremely loud and incredibly close – go read it.
now i have a pile of books scattered across my desk, and i am in love with each and every one and i haven’t even read them yet.
the other day i was at target and i couldn’t decide which color of lipstick to buy so i bought one of every color – because i was too indecisive. i passed math – and i cried because now i am done with math. numbers and i do not get along. that is why, from a very young age i decided to fall in love with words instead.
i signed up for a taylor swift contest too, so i could see ed sheeran as her opening act. and i won. and i cried because i have never won anything in my entire life.
and i chopped my hair off just because i was tired of it being long, and now my shoulders feel bare and my skin is beginning to look sun kissed from the sun.
i sat with my dad on our back porch last night and we talked about europe next summer. and i wanted to cry.
too end this post, i just want to make it clear that there have been plenty of times when i have cried tears of sorrow and confusion, and a lot of the time, frustration. but tears aren’t really a bad thing. for one they make us human and it means we are alive, at least that is what i would tell myself each time i felt ashamed for crying alone all those times. but i have cried a lot lately, but it’s been for happy and relieved things, like the fact that i no longer have to look at one more damn math problem and the fact that i somehow won front row concert tickets, and the fact that i’ll be moving away from home next summer although i don’t know if those tears were actually sad or happy or maybe a bit of both.
or maybe, though, i am just a crier.