i’m not lying when i say that i sometimes wish i was someplace else; like the england countryside at wonderful music festivals or drinking wine in Paris or eating pasta in rome or drinking beer in ireland sometimes i feel as though there is so much life to be lived and i’m not fully living it. can you outgrow a place? more importantly, can you become a tourist in your own hometown? i want to laugh with genuine people who genuinely care about me, who fill my heart up with gladness and i want to walk around in unfamiliar places until my feet ache and i want to listen to elton john’s “your song” a million times on repeat. i want to write pretty words and i want to change lives with them. i don’t know why i am always finding myself in this “i feel like i am not fully living my life to the fullest” phase. i sit here day after day it seems looking at beautiful photos of cities and villages that i would love to visit and i read pretty words and i see people changing lives and i say “i want to do that” but then i never do.
it’s a shame really.
i’m not lying when i say that from here on out i will start fully living my life – i will get rid of toxic relationships and make room for the ones that will only embrace me and comfort me and make me the most emily that i can be. i will work my ass off to actually stand near Big Ben and walk through the english country side instead of looking at it through a photograph. I will be able to breathe it’s air and embrace it with everything that is within me. and, most importantly i will write until my heart’s delight and i won’t stop until my fingers get numb and i will write something one day that will matter.
i’m not lying when i say that I am ready to embrace my life